Stretched Between Longs Shots

It's interesting that I can fall asleep in two minutes at the library, yet just that same night, half an hour later, I cannot fall asleep in my own bed. I'm sure it's not the Hookah Bar beats, I didn't get home until five thirty and the bar closes at two. I awoke at eight and went straight to the library to finish writing my film paper. By eleven thirty I had finished half the paper but I had to run to work. I got to work and Kelsey was there. She hung around for a couple minutes and we chatted a bit. Finally she got ready to go. She had a real cute scarf over a bright superman-blue shirt. She said she had gotten it from Spain, figured. Eileen and Melissa were there, and work hardly felt like work. I'm not sure if it's because I've just started working there, but working at the gym really pales in comparison. But maybe it's because it's going on a year since I started. A year beginning next week I have a feeling. It was after my trip to NYC during fall break last year that I decided to just really get the job. I went in for the interview, lied about my job experience (I had none) and nailed it. One year later and only Mel is left among the student employees. Damn, they just all left. I think I'm finally accepting why. It's not that great a job. Can't sit, can't read, can't rest. Just clean, shake, and repeat. You can't just keep a car running, it has to shut off eventually.

After work I ran back to the library and finished up my paper. Both printers were occupied and I was running late. As I darted between printers trying to find an opening I saw Kate, and she and I chuckled at my frantic behavior. Finally I asked a kid if I could cut in line and quickly print my paper and he graciously said yes. Thank you, stranger. Film class was difficult. I didn't do too well on the midterm, and it turned out I had confused the extreme long shot with the long shot. I embarrassed myself by talking so much in class, and I still get a strong feeling Profs. Spadoni doesn't like me. It's not my fault I couldn't afford your book this semester. It's not my fault my apartment was robbed over the summer. It's not my fualt my family doesn't have any money. It's my fault I didn't have the guts to steal a copy of the book from the bookstore at the beginning of the semester. I can't steal anything worth more than a nickel. I just can't do it, dammit.

After class I just walked home, played a little guitar and killed the night. I don't have the will to do anything else anymore. I just don't have any will left sometimes. Only a dusting of will grows on my eyelids like a white mold. What can ya' say.

My dad arrived and we ate dinner. I haven't eaten this much in weeks, a whole bowl of food? I'd only had two corn chips and a handful of coffee drinks over last twenty four hours, but what can ya' do. I talked to Erika a little tonight, she seems like she's definitely changed. I wish I could see what she is like now, I wonder if she's any more mature. I wonder if she's still the same girl I travelled with last spring. Bizarre the way things have turned out. Out of all the people at Corcoran I would have kept in touch with, she is the last one I ever would have expected.

I smoked too many Lucky's today, but when they only last one block what do you expect. What do ya' expect.