Ring-finger Tears

Wednesday's been lost to time, there's no way I can remember it now. Thursday was nothing too special, it's just been a slow re-glazing. I took some medicine around 3 a.m., and didn't wake up until around 11. I didn't go to my chemistry exam, since I will be withdrawing from it next week. It's not feeling so right any more, and that blurriness is growing and clouding more than ever. There's almost no will left, no pulsing flowers at all.

I went to my counseling appointment today. Sitting in the waiting room Jess walked in, that beautiful silly girl. We talked a little bit, about work. I wondered what she was doing there... she couldn't have been seeing a counsellor, she's got too much good in her for that. Too much good can hurt though, can it not? It's like too much sugar or too much love, too much trust and too much feeling. It overwhelms I suppose.

I met with Dr. Pyati, and talked for an hour. I suppose I did a lot of talking, and was able to get just about everything that I could out. It is important to me, because I don't want to forget these things. They'll never disappear until I make them, and if I forget then I'll never be able to get rid of them. They'll lurk in the webs and the dust, the haze and the fog of a mind clouded by illusions. I actually teared up, something I did not expect at all and it really didn't make any sense. And it didn't have a thing to do with me, only everything to do with my mum and dad. Just everything I wanted for them that they may never get.

Dr. Pyati tried to hug me I think, as I got ready to leave, but I just put out my hand a shook it. I don't know why I did that, but it worries me a bit. On my way out I think I overheard something along the lines of "me and Jess made a lot of progress" though who knows except them exactly what that means.

I went to the library and took out my film book and went to film class. I talked to Kaitlyn a bit, and also to some of the other kids about Citizen Kane. Was it a story about nothing? Is Casablanca really that much better? We'll see, we'll see. Rosebud is a vagina's name afterall.

I went to the lagoon and smoked, talked to my mum briefly and then went home. Got ready for work and went to the cafe. I finally have closing perfected, and should be pretty well off from now on. I still haven't got everything at the gym wrapped up, my managers seem to have been ignoring me. We'll see about that, huh? This is about the only thing that kicks me inside, and it's not what I want to do that. I want it to kick itself, I want to be the one that motivates myself. Not them, not those dirty rotten half filled scoudrels.

Maybe I'll sleep tonight, probably I won't. I'm not doing a thing for Halloween.