They've Got Forgotten Memories

Beautiful folk have a special way they walk, a special way they talk. That's why the world mostly isn't so special for the folk in it. From the outside it seems so especially beautiful. I don't remember any dreams from last night. I woke up around quarter to ten, and ate some baguette with mozzarella cheese, also a banana. I took half a Paxil as I got ready to go to church. I went to church and was asked to serve on the parish council. I was appointed sub-executive advisor to the committee. They've got me.

I ate a little at church, and when I got home I had a bagel with some cheese, hummus, lettuce, and peppers. I took my 5-htp. For more than a week I have been taking this, and I feel like a spacey version of myself. Unconcerned about the past, the present, and the future. Unconcerned about myself, and unconcerned about others. I cripple under attention, and under pressure. I feel like I am my middle-school self. Seventh grade, a little bit of ninth grade. It's a sarcastic, wretched immaturity. Full of nothing, full of himself.

I visited Mike and played some video games, then went home and went into the woods to collect the last of the maple sap. The timing of the rain always seems perfect, it always pours as soon as I reach the back of the house. Even this time, even when I paused for a minute at the reservoir, squatted and noticed the odd light of the afternoon. High blades of tan grass eclipsing the pine foliage behind. I found a tick climbing up my belly, and took and scalding bath to scald the bugs off. It's paranoia, insatiable obssessions.

I feel like an imaginary whisp moving through the fog. And as I folded laundry, Garrett came over. I could smell smoke on his breath. We went and visited Mike, and I played video games with Garrett for the night. For dinner I had some chili, the first meat I have eaten in a very long time. I am no longer a vegetarian, rather I am about to become the pickiest omnivore I've ever known. I took half a Seroquel, played some guitar - felt uninspired and then went to bed. Today was Gerardo's birthday, I wish I had known on my own. That's a good memory, the few people I knew in Cleveland - they were good memories. But I've got a feeling, I'm a simple forgotten memory, to most all people.