If Necessary, Portraits

Rolled off the couch around nine today, I suppose I require nearly eleven hours of sleep. Doesn't make much sense. I ate an egg between rosemary bread, and cleaned a little. I took my last half Paxil, and am now out of daily medications. I'm also conveniently lapsing out of my mum's insurance, because my school still has not confirmed my withdrawal for the semester, thus even if I wished, I wouldn't be able to fill the prescriptions - cheaply. Hm. Around eleven thirty I ate a bowl of nuts with some chili, and took a 5-htp. I doodled around on the computer, and then went and hung out with Mike.

My brother came over, and we eventually left to help him out with a portrait project he had. I pulled periwinkle out of the front yard, and then we played with mirrors as he took portraits. He was trying to reflect the sunlight onto faces to light them better; we took a short trip to the dollar store to buy some reflective material, one of those shiny things you use to keep the sunlight out of your car. We took these up into the woods, where my brother said the light was better. I still don't really believe it. He said he wanted a background other than houses. I believe this. Once we got down I went with Mike to his house and played some video games. Eventually his sister came over with his nephews, and I left shortly after. My uncle was over, and I let him use my computer. He looked at some expensive shoes, MBTs. I took a bath, and then came down and had dinner. We had chili over rice, with nachos on the side. I also ate salad left over from last night. I took another 5-htp, ate a little carrot cake, and then a banana. I watched some NOVA with my mum, something about the extinction of most large North American mammals towards the end of the last ice age. I came down and talked to my dad a bit, then played some guitar. I tried taking some photos of the night sky, the moon has been smiling blindly at us - but there was a haze moving over the city. I go to bed without any Seroquel tonight, and will only be taking 5-htp from now on. I still have a handful of Ativans if necessary.

there come times when there's nothing
to write
like tanning in the moonlight
the page stays white
you're eyes cast no words, not one
bright
idea

in the midst of what they say is a life
altering event, you don't see
what they see
only
what they don't, not one
bright
ideal

i am content in illness
expecting, hoping but not admitting
forgetting

they call this crazy
only
what they don't see
i see