I Wake Up

I watched the golden ground and the flush blue sky, I took my Paxil, and I couldn't think of any way to enjoy the beauty of the day. I want to enjoy it, but cannot fathom how. It isn't enough to stand in it, to look at it - all I want is to be it. I would like to be golden in the sunlight and have my head, my thoughts, flushed pastel blue. Flush all my memories, all my experiences, and let me have a fresh ocean - let me have new water to churn myself in to.

I pulled periwinkle for brunch, and raked the ivy off the ground. My uncle came over and I paid all my attention to him. I sat and sifted through the movies he brought over. I let him use my computer to check his email. I went outside to pull more periwinkle, and he left. Afterward, I tweaked some photos.

I watched some television with Mike. I went home once to eat some late lunch, and then went into the woods briefly with Mike. We got the sap and then came back down. I think this was done the other way around. I watched some more television with Mike, and then came home. I drew a pastel of my hand. My mum began to make some dinner

I spun the spice rack too fast, I wiped a knife and other miscellaneous kitchen utensils off the counter. I pushed a lamp into the ground very hard. I scratched at the wall with the little bit of nail I still have in my right hand. I took two Ativan. I ate some broccoli and rice. My mum cut my Seroquel and Paxil pills in half. She and I vacuumed up the shards of light from the lamp. The shards of some memory.

I go to bed.