Written into Lawl

A very good October it's been. Can't really say too much, except it's been very easy going, the fall colors blend well while life's complexions smooth into something I can see for the first time. Buddha someone wisely said something, which expresses this better than I might. Psych's brought new perspectives to feelings I've always repressed. Compulsions and desires slightly revealed. How pleasant, to feel. Sam-E as well has been really helpful. 5-htp, sam-E, and fish oil are about all I require these days. It's been... rejouvanating.

Renewed my license today, some states really blow when it comes to motor vehicle regulations. It's been a beautiful and clear past two days, an shallow ocean bathed in the warmth of fall foliage. Ironically, no pictures to beat.

Not really many photos taken, not really many words written. But it's been a time of contemplation not production.

There's a good chance I'm taking a train out to Cleveland next week, my expectations don't exist at the moment. Perhaps it'll be best not to think too much about it, rather just work with what may come.

Aint talked to Garrett this month, should give Chelsea a call. Saw Erica and Alex. Lawl. What to do, what to say, time to sleep.

october forever

Not in Yardley anymore. Maybe a little hypomanic, but I'm not sure if you can only be a little. It's weird, to feel good. Never really remember feeling so... it's not bad, but it's almost jittery. I feel hot and cold at the same time, but my mind... it doesn't cling, it isn't the neurotic I remember. It's, like opening a can of fresh memories. Fresh colors. Or maybe Yardley is just too close to Jersey.

Garrett's off to school, I have only seen a few people. Chelsea called, I haven't called her back yet. I need to. I'd like to talk to her. I miss Marilyn and Tiffany. I noticed most of my friends have birthdays in October. Funny things.

I received a great gift in the mail today, but I'm not sure how to weigh it's potential. We'll see.

page no longer blank
clarinet in the corner, orchid on the chair
heavy sighs are let out, pancake's apathetic soul
lays next to mine

a wrinkled peace flag stuffed against the wall behind a lamp
nobody outside; it's suddenly october

the school bus drives past your teetering consciousness
but you may lay soundly, you high school graduate you
you college drop out you


flinches from pancake's sleeping body meet
my dry hands as they wobble
not at will above
the keyboard
weak from so many
words, never put down

pat walks out, it's october forever
again

feeling ill in my bowels from too many cigarettes
not really any food
just a shot of liquor
dusty dreams, long ago pawned
placed back into the store window, and stared at
longingly

as if a dream not lived is any different
than those impossible ones

12 bucks cash, laments a kid homeless at will
no children, smiles the dead alley bum
the soldiers spit and the lawyers point at it
the doctor heals it, greenpeace recycles it

to feel so filled with such a thin liquid
tense realizations followed by loose hands
maybe not

maybe that's what human feels like

i can't anticipate the next eight hours
what faces will bring to my spirit
to awake and be alone in thoughts
and alone
from the things which extend from me

i breath the sighs and cries of the weary travellers
falling upon the cold station concrete
it'll be not so easy to gauge what i really admire
when my body is never all together

your index and thumb squeezed to your lips
such abandonment saw time very still
it's the end of july in october, baby boy
time to remember yourself so enamoured in february's scarlett fingers
and to sit upon it's molted memory till nothing,
less than ash, lingers on

it's the end of july now, today is
october forever