Frog Fuck

Drank 40s with Garrett up on the ol'road Monday night. He had his girlfriend there, so it was mediocre. I scored some T-3s which I downed today. I went and saw Mike for a bit, then went up into the woods with him and my brother. My buzz was short lived, I should have saved all four for today, but when I'm drunk I can be impatient. It was an experiment after all. I only took 100mg of 5-htp today, after skipping my morning dose. I hung out with Garrett for a bit, and then went and visited Nicole with him. Me and Nicole aren't so fond of his girlfriend, and we told him so - which put him into silent mode. There is certainly some things I'll never get about him, and some things which'll never change about him. I'm taking an Ativan tonight before bed, because I'm feeling very anxious about leaving Friday. Who knows why.

like a tadpole
we all grow old

we sprout our adult legs
and cut off our kid tails

learn to jump ahead in life
forget how to swim

we take each new limb
try to forget old strife
search for a new wife
to lay new eggs
in whatever
goddamn puddle
we please

because whether by crane
or crow
man or
machine
our last croak comes
whenever it may goddamn
please

Silent Days, Under the Silent Sun

Nothing new to report. I take 200mg of 5-htp a day, occasionally ingest some herbs, etc. I saw Nate the past two days in a row, as well as Joey last night. Today I felt rather edgy, felt filled with stale thoughts. Stayed to myself mostly, felt like old times. Mouth tight, words sparse, thoughts futile. Smoked three cigarettes today. I bought a pack of Parliament Menthol 100s, for the first time since I started buying cigarettes. Hm. I leave in less than a week for LA, and I feel apprehensive, because I don't feel ready to go. I don't feel ready for anything. Took an Ativan today as I felt about to brim over. What a lousy day.

reality is a wide web
cast over the world
from our eyes the threads fling
sticking to all
that we think
we see

some of us are stuck
to strong threads
some of us tear
through the thin
ones

it's a trap for us all
each fuck shoots a few more
each death casts an
unbreakable pillar

our web orbits a
silent sun, too far away
to burn the webs
we've wove

here we all breath
suck, and eat
on our silently
webbed world,
prey perched in
cocoons, ready
for the feast

who
will digest me
when my final
pillar
is spun?

Neck Brew

I woke up earlyish today, still have not called Marilyn back. Ate some food, took a total of 200mg 5-htp. The wind brewed the day, and I plucked around the garden for a bit. Smoked some herbs yesterday, and also a little today around noon. Played some guitar. Felt somewhat edgy during midday. Maybe pressure breaks my thread legs. Smoked two cigarettes with Garrett, whilst he necked some freshman produce. I have a cigarette saved for tomorrow morning. We're supposed to hang out with Nate and Joey tomorrow night, which would be a nice way to say hello to my last weekend here for a while. I only have a week til I leave, and I'm sorry I have to leave the garden. I hope things take care of themselves.

spin for their sake,
the trees dancing at midnight
pining to fly from their roots