When I look at the sky at night I see through clouds thick and thin, past moons and planets and stars, at the light behind the furthest galaxy. I try to see through the light towards that first night.
When I think of my mother I can only hope to make her proud, because I cannot make her happy the way I knew her when we were still a family. But our broken family lived on and now is bigger than I ever remember; also she is very happy, even if it is different, even better than I remember.
From the time I was born I have wondered about the world and become lost in thoughts sometimes very deeply. My wonder will continue until I am dead, and then my thoughts will be lost to even me. At that point I may keep wondering why.
Sometimes I like to think about all the futures which the past has kept from us. All the turns I took which diverted me and led me to my current path. It is weird to be leaving the NEK, and even weirder to be looking forward to returning to the salt city.
In the middle of winter is when I cradle beauty all around me and try to warm my heart with thoughts and plans for the first glimpse of spring. I sew my hopes into the frozen soil.
When my father saw me trying he probably could not help but relate, because in the absence of ever really knowing my father I conceded to trying to see my father in me. I now have many more than one father.
If I were able to tell you it would be okay, it would. But I do not always know this. I have only ever been so lucky.
At times I wish I could do it all. I know I could. But there just is not time enough for all my hopes, heaped upon my heart, to be fulfilled in just one short life.
When someone who loves you realizes they are not in love with you, that is okay. Love is happy by itself, but with a friend it grows.
A person feels wonderful when they feel truth. The warm rhapsody of finally knowing brings such serenity. Like seeing every star in the night at once, a bright flash.
In the woods I found her. She is secret, but so radiant. She is mother and father, animal and plant, sun and stone. She pulls at the compass needle and turns her tides with no regard to man's carnal endeavor. She is everywhere, and always will be.
At night when the fire is lit I sit and I guard its warmth, feed and nurture its tender flame. I am a firekeeper.
I could be happy if only I could accept the suffering I glimpse all around me. Many times happiness ripens into guilt, like entering a secret garden and tasting forbidden fruit. Such fruit is unbridled joy.
Standing on the beach feels like standing on the edge of all eternity, the infinite on either side is vast and formless; only where they meet does life take shape, a spiral of exquisite detail down to the quantum level.
People are lucky when the times are kind, but the luck is sweeter still when fortunes forebode. Luck hides around every corner in life's labyrinth.
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